Have you ever argued with God in your mind? Asked him why certain things in your life happened, why things in your life are happening now? I have noticed myself doing that alot lately. Maybe its because i am on bed rest right now, or maybe its because my family is going through what i would like to call Hell, or maybe its just because i have been watching shows, or seeing friends go through things that i have gone through. Whatever the reason my be, thats what i have been doing, argueing with God. What am i argueing about FORGIVENESS. How do i forgive those that have hurt  me. Those that have done me wrong, and not only me but my family. How do i forgive a man that is my own flesh and blood. ? How do i forgive a women that is my own flesh and blood.? How does anyone forgive someone who has wronged them? Better yet, how did God forgive me? In our minds those that do us wrong we want God to punish, kill, hurt, make them go through that pain that we are experienceing now.

God says: ” Let them go, forgive them, so i can redeem them.”

I say: ” forgive them, how can i just forget what they did to me. the pain they put me through, the nightmares that i experience everynight?”

God says: ” Kira, forgiveing doesnt mean you have to forget, you have the choice to remember, but you need to let them go. take your hands off their throats…let them go.”

there i lay in bed, speechless looking up at a man i cant see, tears streaming down my cheek. He is right, i am still clutching to their throats not wanting to let go. It was at that moment i felt God reach down and hold me close saying: ” release it before it eats you alive. Before it prevents you from loving fully and openly. “

” but GOd i dont love them, i cant love them. If i let them go, if i forgive them it makes it seem like its ok what they did to me, and its not. its not ok.”

” Kira forgiveness does not mean that they are excused from what they did to you, but its a burden that will now be lifted off of you. Let me deal with their heart.”

” God show me how.”

Tears began to well in my eyes as he told me just to let it all out. I closed my eyes and the tears just poured out. All the memories of all that i had been through flashed before me, every hurt, every pain, every wrong thing. I let it all out until there was nothing left.