So its a new year!

Yet as i sit in my room ( for the next 5 days) filled with my bed, two dressers, and two suitcases ( that i live out of), I can’t help but wish that this year could have come at a later time.

Things at home seem to get worse and worse, than randomly it seems to be ok. Its like i wake up every morning taking a breath, listening intently to see if they are up, and hoping that the day will go well. Honestly, is that any way to start off your day!

And if that was not worse, i start off the new year alone. Yes Alone! I hate being alone. Especially this past christmas.

See this past christmas, i should have had a ring on my finger, planning my future wedding. I would have been kissing my love under the stars. Seeing him open a gift that he would have loved. Spending time with my future family, and kissing him when the ball dropped on new years.

But because apparently God has other plans, that all didnt happen.

I hate being alone. Like really hate it. I want no i crave intimacy. I crave love and worth.

Yet God has decided that is not what he wants from me. God wants me to himself and yet i dont know if i just want him. That is so bad to say and i dont mean it in a bad way but i want physical intimacy not spiritual.

Wow reading those words makes me cringe

I am five days away from moving with my family far far away from the man i love. From my friends, from my comfort zone. I dont want to say goodbye, but i feel i have no choice.

God,

Kira here. ya know it would be nice if you could just send me a friend, a guy, someone to help through this…