Waking up to a rainy day doesnt help when your eyes are puffy from the night before. When you walk into the kitchen to see your father making you breakfast, something he never did, and your mother downstairs walking on the treadmill. At first you are happy with the peace, but at the same time you remember those saturday mornings when you would wake up to your parents being in bed together cuddled up watching tv. Mom shortly after hearing you get up make the whole house pancakes, and the family all sitting on the couch eating and laughing about who knows what. Yes, there were the occassional arguements, but nothing like they are now. I as i write this post i hear the fight behind that closed door, you know what its over, our family christmas pictures! How can something so little, set someone off.  I just wish those days of love and happiness would come back to this house. Even if it was fake. At least then i would not lay in bed everynight and wake up with puffy eyes. At least then and maybe then i could let myself love ” papa”, but right now i dont really want to talk to him. If he loves me and us then why, why is all this happening? ….